This past week marked three years since "storm atlas". It's been heavy on my heart, and for the first time I decide to write out my memories from that week. Obviously I did not include every detail. To be honest.... I did not want to post this. But I felt like I needed to. It's a story about faithfulness, love, grace, pain and healing. So here it is....

The fall of 2013 started out pretty good. Although, we were having some unusual hot weather, with the temperatures in the low eighties. Things begin to cool off and we received word that our area could have a winter storm moving in with a lot of rain and even possible snow. This was a little hard to believe considering it was only the first week of October, and it seemed way too early to have a blizzard moving in. We begin to take precautions and watched the weather very closely. My family decided to cancel a road trip that we had been planning for the weekend, to stay home just in case this storm really did turn in to something. On Thursday, October 3rd, the rain started, and we received a good amount of moisture throughout the day. Late that afternoon the rain slowly started to turn to snow and freezing rain. At this time my dad told my siblings and I that we better saddle our horses and move our cows off pasture, closer to our home base where they would have better shelter. I grabbed my horse “Pocokota”, and headed out a couple of miles to gather our herd of cows and calves. We finished up feeding the cattle, and moved on to the rest of our chores making sure everything had feed, water and shelter. I decided to leave my horse in the barn that night, because he was tired, wet and cold from our ride. It was not normal for me to leave livestock inside overnight, but I just had a gut feeling that it was a good idea this time. We woke up on Friday morning to a good amount of very heavy snow on the ground, and it continued to fall at a steady pace. By early afternoon the wind had picked up and the snow continued to fall. It wasn’t long that we no longer had electricity, and we were unable to go outside to check on anything. There was nothing we could do but settle in, wait it out and pray that God would take care of us and our livestock. By that night there was an incredible amount of snow, the wind was blowing so hard that we could not even see out the windows to see what was going on. I went to bed that night with no idea that my life was about to change drastically in the coming days. Saturday morning came, and although the snow was still falling and the wind still blowing, by mid- morning it had let up just enough that we were able to make it to the barn to try and check on the livestock that we had in the corrals. The first thing we noticed when we made it outside was the damage to the trees, since it was only the beginning of October, the trees still had their leaves, which caused them to hold more snow and weight. They looked as if a tornado had come through and stripped them of all leaves and branches. When we got to the barn we were surprised to see several horses that had been about a mile away at a different place, standing in the barn yard. I went over to check on them, and found two dead and one in very tough condition. There was another one several feet away in a snow drift that was also not doing very well at all. We were able to get him out with the tractor, and were than able to get him to the barn. My dad and sister left to check on another batch of about 60 horses that we had behind a big windbreak shelter behind the barn. None of us were prepared for the shock of finding that many of our horses had not made it through the storm. Visibility was still quite bad, so we were not able to get out farther and check on our other herds of horses or our cattle at this time. There was nothing we could do but wait. We still did not have power or any communication with the rest of the world, so we had no idea if this storm was as devastating for others. We went to bed that night with heavy hearts, and the big question “what happened?” Sunday morning finally came, and the snow had stopped. We were then able to check on the rest of our livestock. We pulled a handful of yearling calves out of snowdrifts, and did our best to get them out of the shock and daze they seemed to be in. My sister, Rachel and I saddled a couple of our horses and headed out to the pastures and fields to see what we could find. After riding over one hill we spotted about 40 dead cows and calves that belonged to our neighbor. They were mostly buried and we could only see patches of their black hides showing through the snow. We moved a small herd of theirs that was still living in to a new pasture, and headed home to tell the family what we were finding. By this time, we had a phone that worked and were able to contact some friends and neighbors. We were not the only ones that was experiencing this devastating loss. It seemed as if our whole community and county was hurting over this incredible storm. There was still one bunch of horses that we were not able to get to that day, due to the deep snow. Our beloved camp horses were in a pasture with great shelter and plenty of feed. All we could was pray that they stayed down in the draws where the shelter was best. It wasn’t until two days later that Rachel and I were able to get our saddle horses to the pasture where they were. We searched all over, but we weren’t seeing any of them anywhere. We rode to the top of the hills, and it was there that we experienced the heartbreaking scene of 25 of our best friends stretched out in a lifeless line for over a half of mile. I couldn’t believe it. They weren’t just animals, they were partners and friends to me, and to hundreds of kids each summer. Needless to say, Rachel and I made the trip home in deep thought and heartache. That night as I went to bed I cried to the Lord in great need of strength and understanding. Although I can’t say I was angry with Him, I was broken and I was confused. That week as we continued to search for life, and wait for the snow to melt, I begin to process just what was happing. In just two days some families had lost so much that they had spent their whole life working for. Thousands of cattle were dead, and my family alone had lost over 90 head of horses. Livestock doesn’t only provide a ranch family with their yearly income, but they are also the heart and love of a rancher. The responsibility to care for these animals and be good stewards of what God has entrusted to us is something that we do not take lightly. Hearts were broken, and heavy with guilt… wondering “what could have possibly gone so wrong, and what could we have done differently?” Those next few weeks were some that I will never will forget. We begin the process of identifying, and burying all the lost livestock. Our hearts were hurting, and truthfully, I dreaded the days. But even though I was broken, I did an incredible amount of growing in those days. My heart was being prepared for more heartache that would come in the future, and it was in these dark days that I fully experienced Gods love and faithfulness on a whole new level. He ever so gently picked me up again and gave me strength to carry on. I was weak, and through that weakness, He showed me just how strong He is. He placed SO many people in our life that showed Christ’s love to us. The gifts, phone calls, emails and visits from so many people was truly overwhelming. When I look back on this story in my life, I see trials and hurt, but even more so… I see Gods faithfulness. And I see beauty from the ashes. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. And honestly, I would never want to go through something like this again. But, I can also say that this a part of my story. I am who I am today, because of lessons I learned through this storm. And for that I am grateful. It still hurts today, and I won’t say that I fully understand why it happened. My heart still has a scar. But that scar also has a story. This life has its share of storms, and our hearts will be broken, and scared. But Jesus will never leave us in the dark. He will always be there to pick us up, and at times simply just carry us in His loving arms. His faithfulness endures forever. I don’t know what your “storm” in life is right now. But I pray that through your struggles you will realize Gods love for you. And that you too, will grow through the pain, and share the great story of His faithfulness!